We like to start the new year by looking back at the typographical and grammatical errors that almost made it, and some that actually did make it, into some of Greater Media Newspapers' publications during the previous year.

One of our most colorful characters in recent years has been the former mayor of Keyport, John Merla, now a convicted felon. It's hard to match his penchant for making scrambled eggs out of the English language. However, we didn't deserve any high marks when we described the "fowl [foul] language" he used at a meeting. Merla explained the cursing was an accident when he stood up and split his pants. One can only imagine the beleaguered former mayor of Keyport spewing out phrases like "Oh cluck! For the love of pheasant!" We did correct the fowl before it went to press!

Along the same line, one story brought up fond memories of our former Vice President Dan Quayle, who was taken to task for spelling potato potatoe; only this time we almost spelled the game bird quail after him: quayles.

In an article about a women's roller derby, we wrote that "some wear light jackets; others go bear [bare]-armed." Wow, with a bear on each arm, those Hub City Hellrazors were sure to win that match!

What a difference a letter makes…

In an obituary, we almost asked for donations to be made to the Make-A-Fish Foundation. An environmentalist's dream come true. And fortunately, the error was caught in time!

In an article about proposed slots legislation, "Bob Marks, marketing director of Perretti Farms of Cream Ridge, said buyers need some assurance that the hoses [horses] they're purchasing will race in atmospheres competitive with neighboring states." One would imagine the feed and care of hoses would be so much less than their equine counterparts.

No disrespect was intended, but one writer initially typed in "Feast of the Three Kinks [Kings]" for a photo caption.

U.S. Boast [Coast] Guard Auxiliary Flotilla 2-7, Atlantic Highlands, will present the two-day "America's Boating Course." That's a typo we wouldn't have to be too embarrassed about because, after all, our military certainly does have much to boast about.

Sew true

The Christian Brothers Academy basketball coach spoke about his retirement plans: "With time now on his side, [the coach] plans on renewing old friendships that he made that there just wasn't enough time to sew [sow]."

Continuing the needlework imagery: "Artisans … mostly traditional weavers who work on bamboo loons [looms]."

X-rated

In our weekly fishing column, this typo might have elicited more interest in fishing boat parties than usual: "Get your gear ready, it's time for the strippers [stripers]."

The following blooper never ceases to amuse: "The tent revival is "free and open to the pubic [public]."

In a Community Bulletin Board item, the borough of Metuchen rec commission sent us a press release stating it had openings for preschoolers in the kinder-karate introductory class to the marital [martial] arts! This might be a case of sex education a little too early.

Also in the interest of sex education, we had a story about someone at a reunion lamenting that today's students are "bussed [bused] even if they live 100 yards away." Interestingly, many people do not know that bussing means kissing.

Time to carb up!

In a sports headline, we wrote: "Huskies hope slow start is thing of the pasta [past]"

A crime 'n shame

A Police Beat item described a suspect as a "stocky white mail [male] with brown hair." A case of mail fraud?

In a story about a bomb threat, we initially wrote: "The male student, who was not found to possess any weapons or means of carrying out the threat, was charged with terroristic threats and false public arm [alarm]." That might be a new twist on putting your best foot forward.

Close call

Calling the adult community of Silvermead in Freehold Township Silvermean would probably have sparked a Grey Panthers

protest, so we're grateful that mistake was caught in time.

Holiday oops…

Here's a way to add some zest to a tired holiday tradition: hold a Christmas tree lightning [lighting] program.

How about this for a headline: "Manalapan holiday egg hunts for children": If you take it literally, you can imagine a giant holiday egg chasing after the little

ones!

Calling all crafty witches, wizards and goblins. Need some extra cash for the holidays? "Home demon [demo] vendors and crafters needed" was the headline we almost used on one Community Bulletin Board listing.

And they wonder why they didn't get the job ...

Even though we make our own share of mistakes, we get a kick out of the ones we get from job applicants on their cover letters and résumés.

One applicant's cover letter referred to her professional experience that "illicited [elicited] a love for writing." Makes one wonder what kind of illicit experience the candidate had …

Also, it's disheartening when an applicant doesn't know how to spell the name of the school she went to (she said Catherine Gibbs, but it's Katharine Gibbs) - especially when the candidate is applying for a position that demands excellent language skills. Of course, sometimes the shoe is on the other foot.

We probably did not win any credibility points for our own classified ad seeking an "Editoral [Editorial] Assistant with excellent language skills for 20-25 hurs [hours] per week." As most of us know from the hundreds of e-mails we send and receive with dozens of typos, sometimes good language skills just fall through the cracks when you're in a rush.

Egg on our face

Fortunately, all the errors in this column so far were caught before they went to press. But mistakes did get into print.

In one Police Beat item, we mistakenly said that the police pried open the front door of a residence and stole a laptop. That kind of gaffe certainly doesn't make for good police/media relations.

A misplaced modifier can be a difficult concept to grasp, but its meaning is rather obvious in the following sentence about organic gardening that ran in some of our papers: "When transformed into compost, McCusker will reuse the heap as plant food." We have it on good authority that Ms. McCusker was not transformed into a heap of compost.

The words fire tuck did make it into print on the front page of one of our newspapers. However, when you're dealing with a word that ends in those three dangerous letters, you have to be grateful it wasn't a worse typographical error.

We also touted the services of a walk-in medical clinic that treats strap [strep] throat. We're not sure what a leathery throat feels like - but we could probably find out, perhaps after eating too much beef jerky?

One article had a regional superintendent of schools presenting a side show. We may have inadvertently boosted attendance at the informational program on the proposed Mandarin Chinese program.

Not all our blunders were verbal. Our press helped us end 2007 on a less than stellar note. Somehow something fell on the metal plate or film in an engagement announcement in the News Transcript so that it looked as if a groom-to-be had a cigarette behind his ear. His parents called to say they were getting some ribbing from their friends. Understandably, it wasn't exactly the image the proud parents were hoping for! Fortunately, all went well when we reprinted the announcement.

Adele Young is the news editor of Greater Media Newspapers. She can be reached at ayoung@gmnews.com.